These past few months I feel like I have truly blossomed. I can look at myself and say I am very proud to be who I am. I don’t think I have changed for society or for anyone else in this world for that matter, my journeys, experiences, and mistakes have molded me…. and no one can take credit for that. my mentality just doesn’t function the same. my impulsive habits to run away or tell myself that I don’t have to face reality seem to have diminished, and I just don’t tolerate that behavior in myself. ive learned that karma is karma and it always comes around, you wont always get your way, and the easy route isn’t always what it appears to be. I’ve accepted that hard work and having goals make me a better person, im never satisfied or content with my life because I want so much. like drake said “everybody dies, but not everybody lives”. that statement seeped into my brain, and I finally get it. ive experienced enough pain, suffering, depression, anxiety, and grief for 5 lifetimes. it held me down and back for years. i thought through those experiences i knew it all and i had everything figured out. no advice in the world could change who i was. i was my biggest enemy. but ive always had big dreams to get away from that, I always said id be someone and I would never end up like my parents. these past few months I have finally grown to know that in my mind, body, and heart… and now that I am using that confidence and strength all of that has been let go and I know I will be exactly that. maybe my name wont be in lights, or go down in history… but I swear I will famous within my town. friends and family will be so shocked but proud because deep down not only they knew I could do it, but I accomplished it. I don’t know what changed in me. but I like it, maybe its the aderall, but who gives a shit. everyone needs a little push, and to be able to see the light at the end of the tunnel. I would like to write my thoughts down one day out of each week so that in 10 years I can relive all my hard work. I want to remember the feeling and thoughts that were going on in my head. I don’t care if these long venting sessions bother anyone following me. I stay true to tumblr simply because of my archive its my own timeline. these posts all reflect an Arianna that I was a some point. Needless to say I still do not know who I am or what I will become, but im focused and determined to find myself. Im no where near the end yet, and knowing that excites me. This is the challenge ive been waiting for all my life, and I am so ready to take it on head first.
Xoxo Ari <3